Yesterday I had a mini panic attack about blogging. Sometimes I get a little loca en la cabeza and I freak out about things. Yesterdays circus in my brain was mostly about putting myself out there. There being the internet. There being the place where vulnerability can be judged and nitpicked. The crazy urge to just delete this whole thing overcomes me from time to time. And then my good husband talks me down from it.
There's a community here that I am falling in love with. Women who are so sweet and so kind and so honest.
Several months ago Kendra at Catholic All Year shared a post about being a good reader of blogs. It inspired me to reach out and introduce myself to a few of my favorite bloggers, and wouldn't you know it, they responded. It made me feel like less of a lurker and more of a… non-lurker?
You see, sometimes I question if I'm doing the right things when it comes to this mothering gig. The few months before our big summer trip to California I was really struggling with being a stay at home mom. Not so much the staying home part (I love that) but I dreaded the days that felt like they would never end and the baby whose teeth would never cut, and who gave up his morning nap (why, oh why..?).
Spending so many weeks with my family was wonderful, and I tried not to abuse the gift of so many arms to hold and care for my child. I was nervous about coming back though. I only have a few more days before I'm flying solo with the babe again.
And then Kate started this amazing series written by moms who have older children now, but are sharing what life was like with just littles at home. If you have children under seven at home, these are good reads. Very good reads. I feel less inept.
A few hours after my mini crisis of to-delete-or-not-delete-am-I-doing-anything-right Dwija shared this post "The best person for the job". And oh man, I knew the tears were coming when I read the title. The reality is, I am the best person for this job. I am the best wife for my husband. I am the best mother for my son. I am not perfect, and I have plenty of room to grow.
So what am I trying to say in this mess of a post? Motherhood is hard, but good work. And I am grateful for my "real life" and "e-friends" who help lighten the load and share in the joys and struggles of life.